Sunday, February 12

Test for no cap OR CAPS


          INT. SHESLOW AUDITORIUM, DRAKE UNIVERSITY -- SATURDAY NIGHT

          The 12th Republican Presidential Debate of the run-up to
          Caucus and Primary season.

          Two "Your Vote" signs hang over the candidates- the first
          one to remind viewers it is their votes and not corporate
          interests that decide elections, the second one to mock the
          first for those in the know.

          At the moderator table sit two on-air personalities for ABC
          News, the sponsor of the debate- former President Clinton
          Press Secretary GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS and DIANE SAWYER.

          STEPHANOPOULOS- late 40s/early 50s, kind of a smooth customer.

          SAWYER- it's not polite to ask, host of ABC's flagship news
          program.  Not like a flagship news program means anything
          anymore, but she's rightfully respected nonetheless due to
          her great journalism career.

          CUT BETWEEN MOMENTS OF INTEREST

          Texas Governor RICK PERRY hammers away at NEWT GINGRICH'S
          moral history.

          Perry- late 50s/early 60s, one of those Southerners you meet
          that makes you say, "Well, I guess he seems normal, but I
          wouldn't be shocked if you told me he was a survivalist",
          doesn't think it takes being in the pew every Sunday to know
          there's something wrong in America when gays can serve
          openly in the military but kids can't openly celebrate
          Christmas or pray in school, is a comically out of touch
          bigot.

                              RICK PERRY
                    If you will cheat on your wife, if
                    you will cheat on your spouse, then
                    why wouldn’t you cheat on your
                    business partner.

                              NEWT GINGRICH
                    Because my wife can't do anything
                    for my profit margins, obviously.

          THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDS.

          Gingrich- late 60s, a portly fellow (which is every bit as
          fair to bring up when talking about his candidacy for
          President as McCain's age and health concerns were), sought
          to divorce his first wife while she was in the hospital
          battling cancer, said of her, 'She's not young enough or
          she has cancer,' somehow leads the Republican polls.

          LATER

          After saying on Friday that "Remember there was no Palestine
          as a state. It was part of the Ottoman empire," and that
          Palestinians are, quite seriously, "an invented Palestinian
          people who are in fact Arabs", Gingrich looks MITT ROMNEY's
          way, finishing an attack on Romney's foreign and Palestinian
          policy.

          Romney- early 60s, former Governor of Massachusetts,
          implemented a healthcare plan as Governor not unlike
          President Obama's but now says President Obama's healthcare
          plan is a pox on mankind that threatens the very viability
          of the United States.
                           
                              NEWT GINGRICH
                    This is a propaganda war in which
                    our side refuses to engage.  You’re
                    not going to win in the long run if
                    you’re afraid to... unless you
                    stand firm and stand for the truth.

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    I’m not a bomb thrower,
                    rhetorically or literally.  I say
                    this, of course, to win over
                    moderates and those who don't have
                    a war-boner, and I hope they all
                    forget when I just said I'd bomb
                    Iran if I found sanctions against
                    them to not have been effective.

                              GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS
                    Don't worry, Mitt.  It's not like I
                    was going to bring it up anyways.

                              DIANE SAWYER
                    And even if he did bring it up,
                    that was conditionally.  You're fine.

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    Thanks guys.  I'll now cast a
                    Mormon spell so all the viewers and
                    press won't remember this little
                    exchange.  Because, wow, that would
                    be bad if anyone made a video of me
                    saying 'I'm not a bomb thrower,
                    rhetorically or literally', and
                    then cut to me talking about how I
                    would bomb Iran.  That would be
                    really bad.  But no one will do
                    that now.  JOSEPHSMITHEAUMUS!

          LATER

          Perry finishes accusing Romney of writing that the insurance
          mandate put forth by Romney's Massachusetts healthcare plan
          should be carried nationwide.

                              RICK PERRY
                    You know, I'm just saying, you were
                    for individual mandates, my friend.

          Rick flashes a shit-eating grin at the audience.

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    You know what?  You've raised that
                    before, Rick.  And uhh-

                              RICK PERRY
                    It was true then-

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    No no...

                              RICK PERRY
                    And it's true now.

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    Rick, I'll tell you what.  Ten
                    thousand bucks?  Ten thousand
                    dollar bet?

                              RICK PERRY
                    I'm not in the betting business.

                                                          CUT TO:

          INT. JON HUNTSMAN'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

          The uninvited-to-the-debate JON HUNTSMAN shoots forward on
          his couch, watching the debate live-

                              JON HUNTSMAN
                    That liar!

          Hunstman's wife, MARY KAYE, runs into the room-

                              MARY KAYE
                    What?

                              JON HUNTSMAN
                    Remember that trip to Texas last
                    year?  When I went hunting with
                    Perry?

                              MARY KAYE
                    Of course.

                              JON HUNTSMAN
                    Rick just said he's not in the
                    betting business.  WE TOOK A
                    HOMELESS PERSON FROM A SHELTER, SET
                    HIM LOOSE ON SOME HUNTING RANCH AND
                    BET WHICH OF US WOULD KILL HIM
                    FIRST.  THAT LIAR!

                              MARY KAYE
                    My laws!  The nerve of that
                    Methodist heathen!

                              JON HUNTSMAN
                    I know!
                         (beat)
                    Oh, and Romney's lying about not
                    wanting a mandate, too.

                                                  BACK TO DEBATE:

          LATER

          STEPHANOPOULOS, standing in one of the aisles in the
          audience, hands the microphone to a PERSON OF REASONABLE
          INTELLIGENCE.

                              PERSON OF REASONABLE INTELLIGENCE
                    Congressman Paul, I have to say,
                    there's a certain earnestness to
                    you.  That what you say you
                    genuinely believe.  That you're a
                    man of conviction.

                              RON PAUL
                    Why, thank you.

          Paul- 70s, also from Texas, delivered over 4,000 babies
          during his time working as an OBGYN and -- unlike the other
          candidates -- speaks to Government playing an actual
          conservative, limited role as oppossed to the 'oppress
          anything we don't like' brand of 'conservatism' his cohorts
          endorse.

                              PERSON OF REASONABLE INTELLIGENCE
                    I have to think that alone should
                    give you a leg up on the
                    competition.  Tell me, other than
                    stopping our imperialist foreign
                    policy, what are your plans upon
                    taking office, should you win next
                    November?

                              RON PAUL
                    I'm going to end the federal
                    reserve, I'm going to bring back
                    the gold standard, I'm going to end
                    the department of Education, I'm
                    going to-

                              PERSON OF REASONABLE INTELLIGENCE   
                    Wait.

          The Person of Reasonable Intelligence pinches the bridge of 
          their nose, trying to find the right words-

                              PERSON OF REASONABLE INTELLIGENCE
                    Are you trying to tell me that the
                    most level-headed and sincere of
                    candidates for the GOP's
                    presidential nomination is just as
                    "out there" as the rest of the
                    lot?  That even though any of you
                    could genuinely win in 2012 and
                    take the office of President for a
                    superpower that's under a great
                    deal of durress, that even the most
                    level-headed of you is still a few
                    steps down the plank?  That's what
                    you're telling me?

                              RON PAUL
                    Yes sir, I am saying that.

          THE WHOLE WORLD SIGHS.

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